Congratulations to Kris Allen for sweeping American Idol the last several weeks.
That was a great show. I really liked the top three this year, especially, and enjoyed the stars they brought out to sing with them tonight.
This is one of those shows we watch as a family, and it's been a fun season for us.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Kara DioGuardi Steals Bakini Girl's Thunder!!!
I really enjoyed when Kara showed up behind Bakini Girl to show off her fantastic, polished singing. Our family erupted with cheers, and laughed our heads off when she ripped open her dress.
Way to go, Kara!
Way to go, Kara!
Adam Lambert for American Idol
My absolute favorite song ever on sung on any American Idol is Adam Lambert's version of Mad World (based on the slow version by Gears of War). Believe me, I've had some favorites on American Idol in past seasons, particularly some of the clever versions of the last few seasons (David Cook & David Archuletta come to mind...). I already liked the Tears for Fears version song when I was in high school, and I discovered the Gears of War version a few years ago. When I heard Adam's version, I LOVED it! (My husband, on the other hand, hates it. Go figure.)
Here it is:
Here is the Gears of War version (the original video with children rearranging themselves into images on the sidewalk:
The Tears for Fears version:
Funny how I really liked that Tears for Fears version when I was a teen, but now that I'm 40, not so much.
I sure appreciated Adam's cover of it. That is one I would buy. Good luck to both competitors. Kris is immensely talented (and I have to admit that I probably would enjoy listening to Kris more often), but Adam is out of the ballpark.
Here it is:
Here is the Gears of War version (the original video with children rearranging themselves into images on the sidewalk:
The Tears for Fears version:
Funny how I really liked that Tears for Fears version when I was a teen, but now that I'm 40, not so much.
I sure appreciated Adam's cover of it. That is one I would buy. Good luck to both competitors. Kris is immensely talented (and I have to admit that I probably would enjoy listening to Kris more often), but Adam is out of the ballpark.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Child Support
There has been a lot of discussion lately about child support, in response to news reports that Carolyn Jessop has filed a child support action against the father of her children, Merrill. I have been reading the blogs but I haven't had time to familiarize myself with the specific details/issues of their particular circumstances, and I'm not sure I care to.
I was a legal secretary for years and I can tell you that in general, "men" resist/resent child support and "women" resist granting visitations. I say this is the case in general because obviously it isn't true across the board, but it is a common problem the courts are consistently dealing with. This is why we have the Office of Recovery Services to collect child support directly from the paychecks of non-custodial parents, and why some legislators have tried to create laws to punish custodial parents (most often mothers) for persistently denying, or interfering with, visitations.
I don't have any knowledge about child custody matters or child support with FLDS families, divorces, separations, etc., but clearly they are going to have some of the same problems that exist in the larger society, exacerbated by the fact that there is such a great divide between their world and ours.
On the blogs, for the most part, people have done pretty well discussing the issue without stereotyping all plural families, but there is still a tendency to paint all polygamists with the same brush (and all FLDS...), and frankly, some personalities blatantly encourage it. Maybe it's just me, but I have a hard time giving any credibility to arguments that polygamy is to blame for "societal" ills that already permeate society as a whole, and which are found throughout monogamous families.
My experience with plural families is that you find a lot of diversity in how they deal with life's twists and turns, just like you find a great deal of diversity among monogamous families in larger society. You find good parents, nurturing and loving parents, and you find some not so good ones. You find fathers who are very involved in their families and with their children, and fathers who aren't. You find divorce and the challenges of divorce. You find fathers who work hard to provide for their children, who pay child support as best they can, and some who do more than that, and you find fathers who shirk it, and actively try to avoid it.
I believe parents have an obligation to support and care for their children, and no father is entitled to shirk that obligation.
Here are some basic facts about child support:
It is for the support and care of the child, and cannot be waived by either parent; it is considered the child's right. The child has a right to be supported by both parents.
Nowadays, both parents are expected to pay child support toward the care and maintenance of the child if both parents are capable of working. That means that both the non-custodial and the custodial parent ARE expected to work (if they are able to work, i.e. if they are not disabled), and financially contribute to the care of their child(ren).
The traditional idea of women custodial parents living on child support (and alimony) paid by the non-custodial male parent is changing. If a woman can work, regardless of the ages of her children, or the number of children, she is generally expected to work.
Women rarely receive alimony any more, and if they do, it is generally limited (such as to provide her with sufficient time to become capable of supporting herself). Of course, the circumstances of the marriage will be taken into consideration, which could allow for alimony for a lengthy period of time, or until the woman remarries. Occasionally, a man can receive alimony from a very wealthy wife, but that is also rare.
If the custodial parent is the father, the mother could be required to pay child support. If her income is very small compared to his, her share will be small.
This is how it works:
The number of children for whom child support needs to be computed is determined. Each parent's gross income is listed. If either party already has a prior child support obligation, that is subtracted from that parent's gross income. If either party has children currently in the home that s/he supports, a worksheet must be completed to determine the financial obligation of that party to those children. The portion of income dedicated to children in the home is then subtracted from that parent's gross income.
Can you imagine how complicated this can get if a parent has children with several different exes, and if those exes have children with exes?
Here are a couple of scenarios from the monogamous world, just for fun.
Troy & Shelly:
Troy marries Shelly and they have three children. They divorce, with Shelly getting custody of the children and Troy paying child support calculated on the fact that Shelly works but makes about half of what Troy makes.
Troy remarries and has three more children and his wife Carrie is a stay-at-home mom (going to college) so they live on his remaining income after child support. Shelly has another child but does not marry, and that guy gets paid under the table and is consistently unemployed, shirking any child support obligation she might win. Then she has a second child from a third relationship, but that father dies.
When Troy's child support is reviewed after five years, Shelly now has two additional children in the home, and she is the sole provider for at least one of them. Troy has since had another child and now has four children in the home, for which he is the sole provider. The child support would be computed taking into account both parents' other obligations, as well as their joint obligation to the children they share.
If one of Troy's & Shelly's children decides to swap parents (the grass is always greener!), it requires a split custody child support computation which can also be complicated, especially when you're trying to factor in multiple child support obligations.
Let's say three years later, Troy's wife Carrie finally graduates from medical school and is now working as a doctor making a decent income. The next time Troy's child support obligation is re-evaluated, his financial obligation to the set of children he has living in his home will be computed along with his wife's income (he is no longer the sole provider), which frees up a larger portion of his income for use in the child support computation with his ex-wife Shelly.
Scenario 2, Rod & Lacey:
Rod & Lacey get married on a lark, break up after two weeks and file for divorce. Lacey discovers she is pregnant and Rod tries to be supportive, wants to help, etc., but Lacey doesn't want him to see the child or have any access to the child. Lacey disappears and Rod can't find her.
Rod remarries and has two children. He and his wife both work and struggle to make ends meet. Ten years into the marriage, Rod is served with a child support order, including demand for 10 years retroactive back child support. Rod challenges it in court, and argues that he did everything he could to find his child and to pay his child support obligation, but Lacey moved several times, returned checks he tried to send to her and told him to stay out of their lives. Rod loses, and is ordered to pay current child support and also awarded back child support for the last ten years, an award that is over $20,000. Lacey gets a judgment and Rod's joint tax refund is seized to partially meet it. Rod's wife files paperwork for the return of her joint tax return, and she gets it several months later. They set up a payment plan with ORS to pay current and past child support.
Scenario 3, Lewis & Shawna:
Lewis and Shawna date and have a baby. They move in together and have a second child. Lewis has a hard time holding down a job, and when Shawna learns she is pregnant a third time, Lewis ditches out. A couple of weeks later, Lewis has moved in with a new girlfriend, Jennifer, a single mother of three who was awarded the family home in her own divorce, works a full time job and constantly fights with her ex husband over child support.
Shawna turns to the state for public assistance, moves in with her mother in order to have a babysitter while she works to make ends meet, and Lewis complains that he injured his back on the job, and can't work. Lewis picks up the kids sporadically to see them, sometimes showing up an hour late, other times not showing up at all. Things start looking up when Lewis finally gets a job and Shawna gets two or three child supports in a row. She starts to count on the money and plans for it. Then only 1/2 of the money arrives, and Shawna and Lewis argue and within a few more weeks, Lewis has lost his job again. No more money.
After another long period of unemployment, Lewis and Jennifer break up and she kicks him out. Homeless, Lewis reaches out to Shawna who is bitter but lets him stay with her, her mom and the kids. Lewis feels badly about everything, and starts to talk to Shawna about possibly taking him back. He cleans up, gets a job, and Shawna thinks there really might be a chance. She takes him back and all is okay, not perfect, but okay for a couple of weeks. Then he starts staying out all night, missing work, and loses his job. Shawna finds herself supporting not only their children and herself, but Lewis, too. After a few weeks of this, she kicks him out.
************
The above situations are all drawn from real life people I have come in contact with over the years, either in my work as a legal secretary or in my neighborhood.
The hard cold truth is this: courts are clogged with child custody and visitation disputes, and taxpayers are shouldering the tab to the tune of millions of dollars in unpaid child support. In general, we as a society have not solved the problem of making parents accountable for caring for, providing for, and nurturing their children.
Ideally, parents would see past their personal disputes with each other and put their children first in all that they do. Hopefully one day we will get there.
I was a legal secretary for years and I can tell you that in general, "men" resist/resent child support and "women" resist granting visitations. I say this is the case in general because obviously it isn't true across the board, but it is a common problem the courts are consistently dealing with. This is why we have the Office of Recovery Services to collect child support directly from the paychecks of non-custodial parents, and why some legislators have tried to create laws to punish custodial parents (most often mothers) for persistently denying, or interfering with, visitations.
I don't have any knowledge about child custody matters or child support with FLDS families, divorces, separations, etc., but clearly they are going to have some of the same problems that exist in the larger society, exacerbated by the fact that there is such a great divide between their world and ours.
On the blogs, for the most part, people have done pretty well discussing the issue without stereotyping all plural families, but there is still a tendency to paint all polygamists with the same brush (and all FLDS...), and frankly, some personalities blatantly encourage it. Maybe it's just me, but I have a hard time giving any credibility to arguments that polygamy is to blame for "societal" ills that already permeate society as a whole, and which are found throughout monogamous families.
My experience with plural families is that you find a lot of diversity in how they deal with life's twists and turns, just like you find a great deal of diversity among monogamous families in larger society. You find good parents, nurturing and loving parents, and you find some not so good ones. You find fathers who are very involved in their families and with their children, and fathers who aren't. You find divorce and the challenges of divorce. You find fathers who work hard to provide for their children, who pay child support as best they can, and some who do more than that, and you find fathers who shirk it, and actively try to avoid it.
I believe parents have an obligation to support and care for their children, and no father is entitled to shirk that obligation.
Here are some basic facts about child support:
It is for the support and care of the child, and cannot be waived by either parent; it is considered the child's right. The child has a right to be supported by both parents.
Nowadays, both parents are expected to pay child support toward the care and maintenance of the child if both parents are capable of working. That means that both the non-custodial and the custodial parent ARE expected to work (if they are able to work, i.e. if they are not disabled), and financially contribute to the care of their child(ren).
The traditional idea of women custodial parents living on child support (and alimony) paid by the non-custodial male parent is changing. If a woman can work, regardless of the ages of her children, or the number of children, she is generally expected to work.
Women rarely receive alimony any more, and if they do, it is generally limited (such as to provide her with sufficient time to become capable of supporting herself). Of course, the circumstances of the marriage will be taken into consideration, which could allow for alimony for a lengthy period of time, or until the woman remarries. Occasionally, a man can receive alimony from a very wealthy wife, but that is also rare.
If the custodial parent is the father, the mother could be required to pay child support. If her income is very small compared to his, her share will be small.
This is how it works:
The number of children for whom child support needs to be computed is determined. Each parent's gross income is listed. If either party already has a prior child support obligation, that is subtracted from that parent's gross income. If either party has children currently in the home that s/he supports, a worksheet must be completed to determine the financial obligation of that party to those children. The portion of income dedicated to children in the home is then subtracted from that parent's gross income.
Can you imagine how complicated this can get if a parent has children with several different exes, and if those exes have children with exes?
Here are a couple of scenarios from the monogamous world, just for fun.
Troy & Shelly:
Troy marries Shelly and they have three children. They divorce, with Shelly getting custody of the children and Troy paying child support calculated on the fact that Shelly works but makes about half of what Troy makes.
Troy remarries and has three more children and his wife Carrie is a stay-at-home mom (going to college) so they live on his remaining income after child support. Shelly has another child but does not marry, and that guy gets paid under the table and is consistently unemployed, shirking any child support obligation she might win. Then she has a second child from a third relationship, but that father dies.
When Troy's child support is reviewed after five years, Shelly now has two additional children in the home, and she is the sole provider for at least one of them. Troy has since had another child and now has four children in the home, for which he is the sole provider. The child support would be computed taking into account both parents' other obligations, as well as their joint obligation to the children they share.
If one of Troy's & Shelly's children decides to swap parents (the grass is always greener!), it requires a split custody child support computation which can also be complicated, especially when you're trying to factor in multiple child support obligations.
Let's say three years later, Troy's wife Carrie finally graduates from medical school and is now working as a doctor making a decent income. The next time Troy's child support obligation is re-evaluated, his financial obligation to the set of children he has living in his home will be computed along with his wife's income (he is no longer the sole provider), which frees up a larger portion of his income for use in the child support computation with his ex-wife Shelly.
Scenario 2, Rod & Lacey:
Rod & Lacey get married on a lark, break up after two weeks and file for divorce. Lacey discovers she is pregnant and Rod tries to be supportive, wants to help, etc., but Lacey doesn't want him to see the child or have any access to the child. Lacey disappears and Rod can't find her.
Rod remarries and has two children. He and his wife both work and struggle to make ends meet. Ten years into the marriage, Rod is served with a child support order, including demand for 10 years retroactive back child support. Rod challenges it in court, and argues that he did everything he could to find his child and to pay his child support obligation, but Lacey moved several times, returned checks he tried to send to her and told him to stay out of their lives. Rod loses, and is ordered to pay current child support and also awarded back child support for the last ten years, an award that is over $20,000. Lacey gets a judgment and Rod's joint tax refund is seized to partially meet it. Rod's wife files paperwork for the return of her joint tax return, and she gets it several months later. They set up a payment plan with ORS to pay current and past child support.
Scenario 3, Lewis & Shawna:
Lewis and Shawna date and have a baby. They move in together and have a second child. Lewis has a hard time holding down a job, and when Shawna learns she is pregnant a third time, Lewis ditches out. A couple of weeks later, Lewis has moved in with a new girlfriend, Jennifer, a single mother of three who was awarded the family home in her own divorce, works a full time job and constantly fights with her ex husband over child support.
Shawna turns to the state for public assistance, moves in with her mother in order to have a babysitter while she works to make ends meet, and Lewis complains that he injured his back on the job, and can't work. Lewis picks up the kids sporadically to see them, sometimes showing up an hour late, other times not showing up at all. Things start looking up when Lewis finally gets a job and Shawna gets two or three child supports in a row. She starts to count on the money and plans for it. Then only 1/2 of the money arrives, and Shawna and Lewis argue and within a few more weeks, Lewis has lost his job again. No more money.
After another long period of unemployment, Lewis and Jennifer break up and she kicks him out. Homeless, Lewis reaches out to Shawna who is bitter but lets him stay with her, her mom and the kids. Lewis feels badly about everything, and starts to talk to Shawna about possibly taking him back. He cleans up, gets a job, and Shawna thinks there really might be a chance. She takes him back and all is okay, not perfect, but okay for a couple of weeks. Then he starts staying out all night, missing work, and loses his job. Shawna finds herself supporting not only their children and herself, but Lewis, too. After a few weeks of this, she kicks him out.
************
The above situations are all drawn from real life people I have come in contact with over the years, either in my work as a legal secretary or in my neighborhood.
The hard cold truth is this: courts are clogged with child custody and visitation disputes, and taxpayers are shouldering the tab to the tune of millions of dollars in unpaid child support. In general, we as a society have not solved the problem of making parents accountable for caring for, providing for, and nurturing their children.
Ideally, parents would see past their personal disputes with each other and put their children first in all that they do. Hopefully one day we will get there.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Back to the Gym - Gold's Gym
I have a membership at Gold's Gym, but I haven't been since we moved a year ago, and for a couple of years before that, I only went sporadically. It's tough when you don't have a work-out buddy. I have a Health Rider at home, and an elliptical machine, which I have done fairly regularly with some gaps over the last year.
Well, I did the treadmill Saturday at the gym and some weight training and abs, but today I worked with a trainer and it really pushed me to a place I haven't been in awhile. I have always been a little nervous that I either over-work or under-work and don't really accomplish what I'm trying to do.
This morning I set up some appointments and agreed to a commitment over the next year to work with a trainer consistently, twice a month, to stay on track, monitor my progress, etc.
They measured my body fat (OUCH!), and will help me with my nutritional needs (diet), as well as provide me with a training schedule for four weight training days each week!
I am SO EXCITED!
I said this was the year that I would finally get this weight off and I am determined that I WILL succeed.
I'll be taking a before picture, and when I am ready, I'll make it available - Oh gosh, if I can STAND it! I saw in the news that Kirstie Allie has put a lot of weight back on, and I am rooting for her to strip it back off! Good for Valerie Bertinelli to cheer her on and offer her support. We ALL NEED encouragement and belief in ourselves. Go KIRSTIE! I'm rooting for you!
My goal is to lose 35 pounds in the next year. I am not going to be relying on the scale to monitor my progress. I will be instead monitoring my body fat % and pant sizes. That'll be more fun that stepping on a scale. Besides, muscle weighs more than fat so I know the scale will be unreliable at times.
I want to add that my husband is such a wonderful, loving and nurturing support! He hasn't always been the best at positive motivation (he used to be more of a negative motivator), but we've worked together to communicate with each other what we need from one another. Growing together takes some work, but is very rewarding.
Dh and my parents are my tremendous support team and I really appreciate them!!!
Wish me success! And, if you wish, JOIN me on my work-out pledge!
Well, I did the treadmill Saturday at the gym and some weight training and abs, but today I worked with a trainer and it really pushed me to a place I haven't been in awhile. I have always been a little nervous that I either over-work or under-work and don't really accomplish what I'm trying to do.
This morning I set up some appointments and agreed to a commitment over the next year to work with a trainer consistently, twice a month, to stay on track, monitor my progress, etc.
They measured my body fat (OUCH!), and will help me with my nutritional needs (diet), as well as provide me with a training schedule for four weight training days each week!
I am SO EXCITED!
I said this was the year that I would finally get this weight off and I am determined that I WILL succeed.
I'll be taking a before picture, and when I am ready, I'll make it available - Oh gosh, if I can STAND it! I saw in the news that Kirstie Allie has put a lot of weight back on, and I am rooting for her to strip it back off! Good for Valerie Bertinelli to cheer her on and offer her support. We ALL NEED encouragement and belief in ourselves. Go KIRSTIE! I'm rooting for you!
My goal is to lose 35 pounds in the next year. I am not going to be relying on the scale to monitor my progress. I will be instead monitoring my body fat % and pant sizes. That'll be more fun that stepping on a scale. Besides, muscle weighs more than fat so I know the scale will be unreliable at times.
I want to add that my husband is such a wonderful, loving and nurturing support! He hasn't always been the best at positive motivation (he used to be more of a negative motivator), but we've worked together to communicate with each other what we need from one another. Growing together takes some work, but is very rewarding.
Dh and my parents are my tremendous support team and I really appreciate them!!!
Wish me success! And, if you wish, JOIN me on my work-out pledge!
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
Book of Abraham Project
The Book of Abraham project website is quite extensive and offers full books online, including The History of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints, by Joseph Smith, Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, texts of addresses by LDS Church Presidents, documents of the early Christian Church and other ancient texts, diaries, journals and histories of some early Mormons and others who knew Joseph Smith, jr., writings of Hugh Nibley, and many more.
This is good collection of documents, and I'm sure is the tip of the iceberg of what this project could eventually become.
This is good collection of documents, and I'm sure is the tip of the iceberg of what this project could eventually become.
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
Debatepedia - Wiki Encyclopedia - Pros and Cons of Polygamy
Some of you might be interested in this extensive wiki on the pros and cons of polygamy. You might want to add to it?
Go to: Debatepedia - Polygamy
I'll add the link to my list of websites in the margin.
Go to: Debatepedia - Polygamy
I'll add the link to my list of websites in the margin.
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